“Haven’t you read,” [Jesus] replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Matthew 19:4-6
I’ll never forget when Justin and I first started dating. He actually was interested in another girl at the time and spent our entire first date talking about how awesome she was. But being his next door neighbor, I soon won him over. We spent the next 3 years of our college lives having fun and growing up together. After two years of dating he proposed and the next year we were married.
Now, I never realized that being married would take so much time and energy. Not just physically, but mentally. We were both very selfish in the beginning. We had our own agendas in life. I thought that I should have a say in everything. I thought that what I said mattered more and that I should get my way every time. Years later, many arguments, cold shoulders, and angry hearts later… I realized that I was doing it all wrong.
I had made some vows that hot day in July of 2004 that I was completely ignoring. I wasn’t honoring him. I wasn’t loving him in the best way or supporting him. It was my way or the highway, period. My favorite saying used to be, “Well if you don’t like it then leave.” And then one day he did… and that is when things began to change.
I had to learn the hard way that if I wanted to make my marriage last then changes needed to be made and it started with me. I have seen my marriage grow over the years by investing and sacrificing time, energy, and lots of prayer. I needed to learn about servant-hood, swallowing my pride, and trusting God with my husband. Here are a few things that have helped me along the way.
Men need to be respected, especially our husbands. That means that he gets the final say. That also means that we kindly give our thoughts and sometimes we keep our opinions to ourselves. This was hard for me in the beginning. I was definitely not serving my husband the way that God intended. After biting my tongue on many occasions, he began to respect me more and ask for my thoughts and opinions. The point is that my husband is the leader of our home, the financial leader and the final decision maker. We discuss big decisions and get each others advice on the smaller things. In the end, he gets the final say.
Ephesians 5:24: “The church follows the lead of Christ. In the same way, wives should follow the lead of their husbands in everything.”
Husbands come before kids. God brought you this man and the two of you together made the kids. I see too many marriages where the wives put the kids first and you can see the unhappiness and distance that it brings. Your husband is not just a paycheck so that your kids can be involved in everything while you put him on the back burner. For me it’s discussing the details with my husband. I make sure that he knows what is going on and when. If he says no, that it’s too much then we discuss together what is best for our family.
Jesus says, “So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no one separate.” Matthew 19:6
Don’t “nag” your husband. I did this for a long time and he just got better at tuning me out. If I need his attention, I say his name and let him know that we have things to discuss. If there is something that he is doing wrong or acting in ways that I cannot change, then I go to the Lord in prayer. Even if he does things a different way than me, I let him do it. It shows respect. Usually my husband’s way is ultimately the better way anyways.
Pray for your man. He needs it. He has a huge responsibility as the leader of the home and he needs prayer everyday. I constantly thank God for my husband and pray that he will be a Godly man daily and make the right choices for our family. I pray that he will help lead our children into a relationship with Christ and be a role model for our boys. He will be tempted just like Jesus was in the desert (Luke 4:1-13). It can and will happen. The enemy wants nothing more than to destroy families and he always goes for the husband first. Our husbands are not Jesus and they will fail. We need to be there to forgive, support and encourage them along the way. We are not to judge by pointing out faults and failures. Remember, God is in control. Pray, pray, pray, I can’t say it enough!
The one thing that I have learned over the years is that God brought this man into my life for a reason. He was perfectly placed right next door to me. The best thing that I started doing years ago is praying for my husband. I am continually learning to serve him by respecting his decisions and honoring him with my words and actions.
Every man is different. Some husbands are good at leading and some are not. If your husband is not the leader type then encourage him in his decision making and ask God to help him. God is the only one who can grow them into the men and husbands that they need to be. As much as we want to change them, we can’t.
Don’t ever give up on them. God has proven to me over and over that He is in control when it comes to my husband. I just need to be respectful and honor him the way that the church honors Christ. Ephesians 5:23, “The husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church. The church is Christ’s body. He is its Savior.” Believe me when I tell you this, if your man has a heart for God, then your marriage will flourish and stand the test of time.
Lord, thank you for my husband and the Godly man that you are shaping him into. I pray that you will walk with him daily and help him to make the best decisions for our family. I pray that you will strengthen him against temptation. Help me to serve him in love everyday and to never give up on him. I know Lord that you are always working and using him in ways that I cannot understand. I trust you with him. In Jesus’ name I pray. AMEN.