When You Don’t Want to Admit You’re Jealous

It happened again. I read about something new. Something really cool. Something that would’ve been fun to participate in. But I wasn’t asked.

It wasn’t a slight against me—there is absolutely no reason I should have been asked. And to be honest, being a part wasn’t even my first thought. It was just something I was perusing…and then I saw her picture.

Ouch. I don’t like to admit that, even to myself, but the feeling was there. Thankfully, so was logic. I asked myself why I felt like that—I don’t have time for another commitment. My focus has been pulled elsewhere this year, and I’ve accepted that because I know that’s where God has moved me.

But that feeling…that niggling bit of why-not-me that gets into my heart and then my stomach. I know it has to be stopped before it grows into the monster jealously becomes.

So, I took it to God.

God, I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but…why not me?

That’s not what I planned for you.

(Deep breath.)

You have planned other things for me…places where I’m needed right now, things to do today, and something for later which I don’t even know about yet.

That’s right.

(Another deep breath.)

Okay, thanks. I think I’m good now.

Admit it.

Um, I just did—to You. So…can You take away the icky feeling now?

Yes, but you need to admit it again so you can let it go.

(Sigh.) I know.

There really is something about shedding light to the dark little parts I’d rather not tell you about.

Jealously is not meant to be kept in the dark because there it grows—fast and without being noticed. It’s harder to stop after it’s grown vines around your heart and clouded your thinking. It overshadows common sense and distorts perception.

Being jealous makes us think less of what God has purposed us for because we’re focused on what someone else has.

Being jealous causes us to lose what God has placed in front of us—we miss out on His plan for us.

And the thing is, if it’s what God Himself designed, then it’s better than what we see somewhere else—because His plans for you were not meant for me, and His plans for me were not for you.

That’s the perfectness of God’s plans—they are specific for each of us. God’s plans are personal—creatively thought out and set up individually—for you and for me.