Ten Biblical Principles of Marriage

Many of us can recite or at least have a passing knowledge of the Ten Commandments of God. But how many of us incorporate these principles into our marriage? What if I told you these commandments could be used as the basis for ten biblical principles of marriage?

Biblical Principle #1: God at the Center

God—Father Son, and Holy Spirit—should be at the center of your marriage. If God is not at the center of our lives, our relationships (including our marriages) will fail.

When we marry our spouses, we are very aware that we are entering into a partnership. Many of us think the partnership has two persons instead of three (or five if you count each Person in the Godhead). Way back at the first wedding of Adam and Eve, it was God who ordained it. He was the matchmaker and he performed the ceremony. Why then do we believe that it’s okay to leave him out of the picture?

God should be at the center of our marriages. He needs to be our guiding influence, our refuge, and our example of perfect love.

Biblical Principle #2: Our Partner above all else (except God)

There should be no idols in your marriage. Do not place success, money, work, children, power, or any other thing above your marriage.

Jehovah should be the primary focus of our lives and our marriages, but after him is our spouse. Too often we put other things—and people—ahead of our husbands. As women seeking to have a biblical marriage, we ought to learn to treat our husbands the way God intended.

Biblical Principle #3: Rest and Worship

You and your family should take time each week to rest and worship together. Praise God for your marriage.

Rest is an important requirement for humanity. This biblical principle is one we struggle with. We forget that we need time to unplug and recharge from our stressful week. As a couple, spend time together each week doing something you both enjoy. It doesn’t have to be an entire day—but it should be at least an hour.

Couples also need to worship together. Does this mean they should spend an extra two hours each week studying the Bible together? If that’s what works for you, go ahead. But worshiping together can be anything that shows reverence and adoration to God.

My husband and I study the Bible individually. We also share what we’re learning in our personal devotion time. This sometimes leads to long, involved conversations about a topic of doctrine. At the end of the conversation, we both have a sense of awe for our Creator and his ability to do amazing things.

Biblical Principle #4: Respect Your Parents

Honor your parents and your parents-in-law. Honor your husband in his role as a father. The wife should be honored in her role as a mother.

Most couples want to have children, whether biologically or otherwise. As parents, we have to model appropriate and acceptable behavior for our children. But if we don’t respect our parents or parents-in-law, what kind of lessons will we teach our children?

The Bible calls the mandate to honor our parents the “first commandment with promise.” Intertwined with the admonishment is the promise that doing so will give us long life. I don’t know if the choice comes down to a long life and being nice to your mother-in-law, but which one do you choose?

Biblical Principle #5: Speak Wisely

Death and life are in the power of the tongue; do not use your tongue to tear down your spouse.

Proverbs 14:1 tell us that a wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands (NLT). It could easily have said a foolish woman tears down her house with her tongue.

Our words have power.

We were created in the image of a God who spoke entire universes and lifeforms into existence. Words can change lives. They can empower individuals or tear them down. What choice are you going to make today in your marriage?

Biblical Principle #6: Be Exclusive

Do not have an emotional, physical, or sexual relationship with someone who is not your spouse.

When we pledged “till death do us part”, we made the decision to forsake every other male or female—at least, in a sexual manner. It means we are no longer available; we’re not single or “on the prowl.” We commit to our husband or wife’s heart, mind, and body. Don’t invite other people to fill the slot which God intended to be filled by your spouse—it only leads to trouble.

Biblical Principle #7: Give More than You Take

Do not deplete your partner’s emotional bank account. Your deposits should be greater than your withdrawals.

Marriage is about sacrifice. It’s about one person giving more of themselves to another person than they expect to receive. It’s about esteeming someone better than yourself (‎Philippians 2:3). Before you start thinking of the unmet expectations in your marriage, let me reassure you: esteem should not be one-sided. In a biblical marriage, the husband sacrifices for the wife as she sacrifices for the husband.

Both of them go out of their way to do what is best for their partner. In doing so, they embody the love Christ has for his people and his church.

Biblical Principle #8: Don’t Steal

Do not overstate expenses to get “extra” money. Do not “borrow” money from his wallet. Do not take money from your wife’s purse without her permission or knowledge.

Fights about money are among one of the top reasons for divorce. People can’t figure out what is fair sharing or how their money should be shared. Some couples go further and actually steal from each other.

Okay, let me say it, one of you is going to earn more money than the other. Unless you are in business together and share the profits equally–that’s just how life works. Early in your marriage, it will be necessary to decide how the finances will be handled:

• Will you have a joint account?
• Will you retain your individual accounts but share the bills?

As your income and expenses change, it will be necessary to have this conversation again. If you feel your husband is not being fair in the distribution of income, tell him. Under no circumstance should you take money from him. If you need funds, ask. And don’t selfishly hoard your income either while depleting his.

Biblical Principle #9: Protect Your Partner’s Image

Do not tell lies about your spouse. Do not exaggerate their flaws or their abilities.

How many times have you heard women badmouth their partners? Did you have a good impression of the husband after that? What did you think of the wife?

Ladies, we have to protect our husband’s image from tarnish—that means no tearing him down in front of our girlfriends or family members. Yes, he may not do everything perfectly, but I’m sure he does some things well. Focus on those things. Talk about those things. Remember our words have power and the more negatively we speak about our husband, the worse he will look to the public and in our eyes.

Biblical Principle #10: Keep Your Eyes at Home

Do not lust after someone who is not your spouse. Do not wish for someone else’s bank account, figure, looks, job or for anything that is not yours.

Okay, I get it. Your husband may not have the six-pack you wish he had (or that he had when you first started dating). I’m sure things have changed for you as well. Do not go lusting after someone who you think has what your husband doesn’t because:

• Looks aren’t everything and what you see may not be what you get, and…
• Your eyes should be focused on your own husband. As Job puts it, we should make a covenant with our eyes (Job 31:1).

As God-girls, we have a responsibility to live according to the biblical principles. We need to know what God expects from us so that we can act in ways that please him. My new book Through God’s Eyes: Marriage Lessons for Women is a study on various couples of the Bible. It uncovers specific ways for wives to act in a godly marriage.

I hope these ten biblical principles of marriage will help you see marriage the way God sees it.