Reflections on Longing and the Stillness of the Lord

Because of longing, I have been selfish.

Lately I have been thinking about all of the things that I haven’t done or seen in my lifetime.

I haven’t gone to this fantastic place or seen that magnificent sight or met that awesome person. They are cool with their perfect insta-home or heart-warming stories. I would love just to graze by a bit.

Jealousy has followed. My brain aches for adventure even though my body can’t quite get there due to lack of funds, scoffing outside attitudes, and the fact that I have been staying at home with children underfoot for 18 years.

Shortly after some bitterness started taking a rapid hold, the Lord nudged me with my real truth. He showed me that my longings may be out there, but my burdens are right within reach. Those little ones that have destroyed the living-room, fussed at each other in the bathroom, and giggled well into the night is where my heart truly rests.

There is nothing mundane about the burden for home.

I have poured my life into them since I felt the first butterfly kick inside my womb. Life got brighter as my budget changed. Love grew stronger with each new being my husband and I created. Priorities changed as our nest grew.

The world no longer beckoned as it once did. Midnight snuggles, drying tears, and daily activities filled my heart and my time for years. Regrets have been pushed to the back burner and sometimes I think God is trying to put out that flame every time I try to stoke it with a little twinge of self-pity.

When that self-pity tries to sneak in on those extra exhausting days or on the hard trials of special needs and worldly advice, I pause and allow the stillness of my faith to take hold. I look to the Lord and His promises.

For God alone my soul waits in silence; from Him comes my salvation. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. Psalm 62:1-2 ESV

I do not stand in adversity and longing alone. We all face trying times in mundane and extraordinary lives alike. Our burdens and longing may look different, but our souls are reaching for the same stillness in the strength of the Lord.

Instead of regrets and pity-parties, we need to stand firm in the promises of the Lord’s truth. Our souls can be quieted as we stand upon that rock of our salvation.

We are not just a common people living the common life. There is nothing just plain and normal about us. When we belong to God, we are more than labels and mundane lives that sometimes are sprinkled with a teeny bit of resentment.

I have to remember that He will use me in His time. He will allow adventure and a specialized journey just for me based off of the works He planned in advance. I pray that I take the road He set me on and if it contains those exciting places and feats that my heart sometimes long for, well then, I will glorify Him all the more.