Truly Loving Jesus: A Testimony

If I’m being honest, I went because there were cookies and because peer pressure is a real thing in high school so I wanted to fit in. When I left, I was not planning on ever going back even if there was a cookie cake and every peer in the world was giving me pressure.

You probably think I am talking about a really bad experience like an organized speed friending event in an all-boys freshman dorm, or a Nicholas Cage movie marathon. Actually, I am referring to my first Bible study.

It wasn’t bad because the cookies looked like they were chocolate chip and were actually oatmeal raisin, or because the girls were weird or the leader was awkward. It was bad because my leader shattered my expectations of who Jesus was and what saving faith meant; and because it terrified me that I had been living my life all wrong.

That first night, James 2:19 hit me like a truck, “you believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe – and shudder!” Just because I believed factually that Jesus died and rose from the grave, it didn’t mean that I was saved; even the demons believe that and they definitely aren’t going to heaven.

So how did I react? I argued quite confidently (and quite rudely) stating John 3:16 as my evidence that all one has to do is believe and they will be saved. But if I am being honest, I wasn’t upset that I might not know the truth. I was upset that going to church on Easter didn’t give me a free pass to heaven and that my comfortable, self-controlled, self-seeking lifestyle might not be okay in this religion.

But what if believing and believing in are two different concepts? For instance, I might believe that Jesus can walk on water and I might even egg him on if I was sitting in the middle of a storm in the safety of my boat. But if Jesus said, “Okay, you believe I can walk on water? Then get on my back and let’s get in.” would I do it? That’s the difference; believing in Jesus involves trusting Him to control our lives and being obedient when He asks us to do uncomfortable things, not just believing that He could do them Himself (John 3:36 ESV).

So if John 3:16 really means that believing in Jesus will change the whole course of our lives, then how do we lead a life reflective of our belief? When I brought this question to my Bible study leader, I also brought her my answer. The answer a lot of people might say; go to church, get baptized, take communion, and be good. My Bible study leader didn’t tell me I was wrong, but she also didn’t give me the praise I was looking for. Instead, she told me to go look in the Bible.

As I started reading the Bible (mostly to prove myself right), I didn’t find a lot of the things I had always believed. I couldn’t find a verse promising that if I go to church I could officially be a Christian, or a verse ensuring that taking communion or being baptized made me cleared for heaven. Instead, I found God’s greatest commandment to us in Matthew 22:37: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.”

I realized I had only been looking at Jesus as if He was a business partner I could make a deal with; He would give me salvation if I did what my end of deal entailed. But Jesus didn’t die a brutal death for a business transaction. He died for relationship. He died for love. And love changes the way we live more drastically than any rule, requirement, or contract ever could.

For instance, if I was in love with someone and came home one day to tell him that I had cheated on him, it is reasonable to imagine that he would be upset. And he would be valid to feel that way because we are in a relationship. My actions affect him and his actions affect me.

That’s how it is with Jesus; our sins, our selfishness, our bad decisions, they separate us from knowing Him (Isaiah 59:2). Our actions stop us from both giving and receiving the love we were created for. But thankfully, the relationship goes both ways. Christ’s actions on the cross, His blood, His pain, His perfect sacrifice, affect us (1 Peter 2:24). They cover us with grace and have made us new to be able to participate in relationship with Him (2 Corinthians 5:17).

When we truly realize and believe in the fact that Jesus didn’t just die for our sins, but that He has given us mercy that we do not deserve, the only appropriate way we can respond to Him is in love.

Not the kind of love your seventh-grade-self had for Justin Bieber, or the kind of love you secretly have for McDonald’s chicken nuggets. The kind of love that is life changing.

The kind of love that seeks to know Him more through His word and through His instruction (James 1:25). The kind of love that hates anything or any sin that gets in the way of our relationship with Him (Psalm 97:10). The kind of love that goes anywhere and does anything He asks knowing it will lead us closer to Him (Joshua 1:9). The kind of love that can’t help but outwardly reflect the joy and mercy we have first received from Jesus (1 John 4:19).

Even though I swore I wouldn’t, I went back to Bible study that next week. It wasn’t because of the cookies, the peer pressure, or a need to be right. It was because the Lord had started to show Himself as worthy in my heart and I had no choice but to respond to the God I had seen a glimpse of.

Wherever you are at with God, whether you see Him as a business partner, long for a more meaningful relationship with Him, or have never even talked to Him, it’s never too late to respond. Believe in the work He has already done on the cross, acknowledge the love He undeservingly shows you each day, and step into the relationship He is waiting for you to have.  The relationship that changes everything.