I have a problem. Realizing I have a problem was not easy for me. From the outside looking in, I’ve always been the girl who had it all together. I had a plan and nothing would veer me away from it. Control over people, situations, and outcomes is the tool I used to cope with my deep problem. Shopping and racking up debt is how I covered up my emptiness.
Step one of my recovery journey began with admitting I have a problem with co-dependency and controlling others. I admitted I am powerless over my addictions, brokenness and sinful patterns—that in my own power my life is unmanageable.
I’ve not always walked the Christian walk. Days passed by without me giving much thought to how God figured into my life. Years came and went without prayer, obedience, or thankfulness. A Bible sat on a bookshelf gathering dust. Instead, I concerned myself with my expectations of others. This, of course, only led to disappointments. I constantly searched for material “stuff” to fill the gaping hole in my heart. The thrill of the sale item or shiny new thing lasted only a short time, then I was back feeling empty again.
During the time of Exodus, God warned the Israelites through Moses to not fall into sin and idolatry. God’s character is to protect His children. Exodus 23:20 shows me just one way he gives me protection:
“Behold, I am going to send an angel before you to guard you along the way and to bring you into the place which I have prepared.”
Now, I often think I am so much like the Israelites. Time and time again, God protected, guided, and saved them from harm. Time and time again, they would turn the other way. God used Moses to communicate with His chosen people, but they would often ignore the warnings Moses provided to them from God.
How many times have I done this? Too many times to count, but after the events of the last year, I have come to realize He has been and is continuing to prepare my way. He began preparing me for my recovery journey before I was formed in my mother’s womb. He continues to guard me and bring me into places He has prepared. The difference is, now I recognize and follow His ways. As a result, I have a peace that I have not known before.
I continue to have days where I struggle with the desire to control people, situations, and outcomes, but by God’s grace and mercy, I am reminded He is in control and he is preparing the way before me.
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I struggled for 25 years to cope with an addicted parent. I know first-hand how the serenity and peace of God’s redemption are keys to personal wholeness. In my weekly devotions, I share my story and provide valuable biblical principles for overcoming the effects of growing up with an addicted parent. Visit my blog or follow my social media!
Kimberly, you are so sweet to share your truth here as encouragement for all of us as we struggle to surrender full control to our Father each day.
Megs
Thank you, Megs! Control is one of the most difficult things to let go of, isn’t it! Thank you for your comment!
Excellent post! I have a problem with control too. God’s been slowly breaking that up, now if I’d fight Him less and give it up without grasping so tight to it 🙂
Absolutely, Julie! It is so important for us to recognize it and then seek His wisdom to release the desire for us to control! Thank you for your comment!
Growing up with addicted parent means that you feel that you have to have that control because they basically worthless when they are supposed to be teaching you. So, we learn to trust only ourselves which is part of control.
We learn these patterns at a very young age and it is hard to break, I know because I have been there.
It wasn’t until that I decided to change and figured out that I wasn’t doing a good job at managing me and decided I needed some help from God that things changed in my life.
The funny thing is that they are doing studies on the brain and that by changing behaviors from negative to positive that we actually are creating new pathways in the brain. It is like we are creating new highways and the old ones get are replaced.
Bless you in your journey.
Thank you so much for your comment, Patrick! Living with addiction is so difficult. It has taken me years to realize I could trust God to control what He is already truly controlling anyway. I, too, tried for too many years to attempt to control my life and the lives of others, to no avail. Once I released it to God fully, I have been able to live in serenity! Bless you in your journey as well!
Control is such an easy mindset to slip into, isn’t it? I can easily think I’m just taking care of everything for my people, but so often, along the way, it slips into worry and control. I’m often guilty of an Israelite heart, too. Thankfully, He’s the same God who’s always loved us — then and now. Nice article, Kimberly, thanks for sharing. ((grace upon grace))
Thank you, Brenda for your comment! It’s funny (funny-strange, not funny-haha) how for so long I thought I had control of everything, but in fact I didn’t. I am not very good at trying to be God, thankfully, He knows my heart better than I do! Once I let go and let God be God, my life became more serene! Thank God for that! God bless you!
Wonderful post! God’s mercy is the gift I rely on daily. God bless as you rely on it, too 🙂
Thank you, Lisa! I’m so thankful to God for redeeming me and loving me right where I am – every single day! God bless you!
Thanks for sharing your testimony. I grew up with an alcoholic father. My way of coping was becoming a people pleaser. But God is so faithful … He got me just where He wanted me in His perfect timing! Blessings!
Thank you, Donna! I too, developed into a people pleaser and a control “freak”. I’m so thankful God pulled me into His arms! There is where I found freedom! Blessings to you!