Lessons on Judgment and Being Judged

Have you ever been pronounced guilty without due questioning?

Maybe you’ve heard things like:

• You are just too sensitive.
• Your problem is that you are fearful and don’t trust God.
• The reason you haven’t gotten married is because you scare off the guys.
• Your child would sleep through the night if you had a consistent bedtime routine.

None of us like being judged, condemned, and told what is wrong with us. Especially if we didn’t ask for it. Nor does it feel good when the solution or diagnosis given is far from the truth.

We like to be involved in the whole process.

To be asked our opinion. Have what we say heard through kind ears. Even acknowledged, with deeper and pertinent questions. We want to have some say in the conversation and take part in the verdict by giving our side of the story.

And while this is what we would like, it can be hard to fight the urge to diagnose and proclaim someone else’s problem for them.

Especially when it seems so clear to us.

Oh, I have been guilty of this. And multiple times, despite not liking it done to me.

Here are some ways:

• Thinking I know why my child is acting a certain way, and then telling them my diagnosis without getting their opinion.
• Being sure I know why my husband is doing something, and then pronouncing my judgment. And of course, before he asks or is ready to listen.
• Looking from a distance at a friend and thinking I know just what the cause of her problem is. Then being anxious to give my advice so she can have less stress and an instant solution.

Often, I am confident with my solution and diagnosis. And just as often, I have been standing so far in left field, that I am not even in the stadium.

How to quit passing judgment on someone.

Maybe you know what I am talking about. Standing where we do, away from the middle of the storm and the problem, other people’s solutions seem simple. Their problems easy to diagnose.

It’s so easy to judge. Decide an outcome or reason. And give unsolicited advice.

Partly because we don’t know the whole story, or see the multiple complications that make up the person and situation. I know I have been guilty of this.

• I have come to realize that pre-conceived conclusions are often wrong or heading down the wrong path.
• I don’t know why the lady’s kids are misbehaving.
• I don’t know why a couple looks angry at each other.
• I don’t the whole story about why someone divorced.
• I don’t even know part of the reason why someone failed to do what they promised.

Not unless I take the time to ask questions. The time to listen. The time to be curious. The time to suspend judgment.

My job is not to tell them where they are wrong, how to better their life, or tell them what they need to be doing instead. My job is to love them. Support them. Walk with them. All the time pointing them to the One who is the ultimate solution.

The One who knows all about being misjudged. Because while he was here on earth he was misjudged by his disciples, the crowds, his family, and the religious leaders.

Jesus knows how you feel when you are misjudged. And he can empower us with his love to not misjudge others.