Desperate for Love: A Testimony

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean unto your own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5)

Sometimes we think we know what’s best for ourselves and our lives or we think we have all the answers, when the reality is, we don’t; but God does. God knows what our needs and wants are– sometimes our wants don’t line up with what we need which causes a delay in our life’s progress. Other times He is working on us individually: our character, weaknesses, and confidence or lack thereof, anything that can hinder or hold us back from all He has for us.

There was a time I made moves based on my own will and that disobedience almost destroyed my life. When it was all over and done I had to trust the Lord that I would conquer the battle and reclaim my life. I am a woman who was so caught up in her dysfunctional love affair with a man that I lost sight of God and His power.

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. (Colossians 3:2)

I was in love with a man I loved more than myself. This love almost cost me my life. Our relationship started out full of love and romance and eventually evolved into jealousy and rage. I believed our love was going to bloom and thrive–instead it became destructive and vengeful. The relationship was headed in the complete opposite direction, one I didn’t anticipate. I couldn’t believe what was happening.

I use to pray to God and thank Him for this man but he was no blessing from God. This man was a trap sent by the devil to destroy my life. And I know I made it possible for this man to come into my world and disrupt it the way he did. I followed my own will. I didn’t trust God. I was desperate for love. And I was needy and weak.

My grace is sufficient for you: for My strength is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

But as the abuse and violence increased so did my trust, belief, and faith in God. I began to seek Him daily or anytime I felt fragile. Things in my life had gotten so dark it was hard to see. I needed the Lord to guide my steps and light my path because I was walking blindly without any relief in sight. And so I began to spend quality time with Him daily talking affirmations over my future. In addition, I fervently prayed to the Lord asking that he remove this man from my life. And within months we eventually parted ways but it was neither pleasant nor easy.

Do not fear, but be strong and courageous. (Joshua 1:9)

Five months after our breakup, my ex-boyfriend pursued me in a high speed car chase. I was racing for my life trying to lose him when the Lord came to me and told me to stop running. He spoke to my spirit, He told me to be valiant and face this man once and for all. In that moment I made a choice to be brave and courageous, I slowed my car down to face him and once I did—shots rang out. He had shot me through the left side of my neck.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me. (Psalm: 138:7)

I remember in that dire moment of trouble calling out to the Lord in a whisper, “Please don’t let me die.”

“Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me.” (Psalm 50:15)

I am so blessed to be alive and whole and to be writing this article to share with you all. I say this humbly, God clearly wanted me here to fulfill my purpose on earth because He speared my life. During my time with this man I kept journal entries of the mayhem and abuse. Those journal entries are what helped and prompted me to write, author, and publish my first book, Reflections of a Woman’s Indiscretions.

As a true testament to destiny, following my near demise God allowed my natural talent as a writer to be restored and fulfilled, which allowed me to author this true inspiring story. He only wants the best for us. God is so good.

“I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds,” says the Lord. (Jeremiah 30:17)

I’ve overcome so much. I believed at one time my life would never be the same. And I was right. It hasn’t been. It’s better because I know me. I’m stronger and wiser. He restored me and added unto me. That’s how good God is. He can take your most tragic, humiliating, and painful experiences and not only heal them but also make them your greatest blessings in the future. Remember that. Only God can take an ugly violent dysfunctional love story and put a positive twist on it.

He allowed me to write my story about the struggle of domestic violence and launch a non-profit organization, RAWR: Restoring A Woman’s Reverence. I wrote Reflections of a Woman’s Indiscretions to help someone else in their vulnerable situation and RAWR’s mission is to empower battered women to regain their confidence. That’s the favor and blessing of the Lord. And I want to be a blessing to others too illustrating God’s love. Only God can bring everything together for Good.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

Please don’t lose your confidence thinking you’ve lost the battle. You haven’t lost anything. I remember believing I had lost it all. I was so wrong. Stayed prayed up. Stay positive. Stay moving forward no matter how hard it gets, keep being your best. Leave the negative thoughts and doubts behind you. Look to the future. Don’t give up. Trust Him. He will get you where you’re supposed to be. He loves you. He will take care of you. With God all things are possible.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)

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